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D. H. Lawrence on Men & Women, Part 1
Part 1 of 6. For the whole series, click here.
1. Love and Strife
In a 1913 letter D. H. Lawrence writes that “it is the problem of to-day, the establishment of a new relation, or the readjustment of the old one, between men and women.” Lawrence’s views about relations between the sexes, and about sex differences are perhaps his most controversial – and they have frequently been misrepresented. But before we delve into those views, let us ask why it should be the case that establishing a new relation between men and women is “the problem of to-day.” The reason is fairly obvious. The species divides itself into male and female, reproduces itself thereby, and the overwhelming majority of human beings seek their fulfillment in a relationship to the opposite sex. If relations between the sexes have somehow been crippled—as Lawrence believes they have been—then this is a catastrophe. It is hard to imagine a greater, more pressing problem.
Lawrence came to relations with women bearing serious doubts about his own manhood, and with the conviction that his nature was fundamentally androgynous. Throughout his life, but especially as a boy, it was easier for him to relate to women and to form close bonds with them. Thus, when Lawrence discusses the nature of woman he draws not only upon his experiences with women, but also upon his understanding of his own nature. One of the questions we must examine is whether, in doing so, Lawrence was led astray. After all, Lawrence eventually came to repudiate the idea of any sort of fundamental androgyny and to claim that men and women are radically different. In Fantasia of the Unconscious he writes, “We are all wrong when we say there is no vital difference between the sexes.” Lawrence wrote this in 1921 intending it to be provocative, but it is surely much more controversial in today’s world, where it has become a dogma in some circles to insist that sex differences (now called “gender differences”) are “socially constructed.” Lawrence continues: “There is every difference. Every bit, every cell in a boy is male, every cell is female in a woman, and must remain so. Women can never feel or know as men do. And in the reverse, men can never feel and know, dynamically, as women do.”
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~ I Believe In You ~
The tremendous pitfalls, obstacles, and life-decisions were overwhelming, and as the pressure mounted, the Muse would often seeks solace in retreat, both in the wilds of nature, as we walked and talked, as well as the ‘retreating’ of Her own courage, based in large part, on her fear of the future, of the breaking of habits and rituals long held; and which, for the most part, had sustained Her, given her stability and consistency, but sorely lacking in that mutual and complimentary growth, which She so needed, to continue her path. After all, working partnerships require understanding, patience and, above all, a clear vision of talents and growth.
The Muse wanted so much to grow, to blossom, of Her own accord, not to spite anyone else, but in simply to embrace the movement in ‘time’, which had been struggling within Her for so many years. She wanted to live a ‘Yes’, rather than the continuous ‘No’, which had become Her lot in life.
Sometimes, however, this was simply too much to ask.
This was the time, unasked for, that I simply wanted to be there, to stand with Her, simply because I Believed In Her.
~ Romance And Reunion ~
This piece brings up vivid memories, from early in the process of the Muse and I.
To the casual reader, it may not seem clear, the meanings of Magick, desire, passion, partnership, metaphysics, synchronicity and the like, but I hope that some of these words will resonate. The world of magick, to some, is only that natural and spontaneous energy, which is brought to bear in those moments, unasked for, which transforms one’s life, indeed, life itself, is transformed; this has a significant bearing upon how one responds to either the mundane environment, or to the elements of bonding, fate, and Love.
One cannot live either one, piecemeal.
One embraces the magick, and stays there, or one is drawn into an abyss of categories, schedules, and misunderstandings. When this happens, we are mere humans again, and the conflicts and diffused intentions, become greater than the sum of its parts. So it was, in this case:
Both the Muse and I, separately, had plans to attend functions in the same area, this was far from our homes, in the larger City, yet were to be just minutes away from one another. She was to go with a girlfriend of long acquaintance, to a large musical venue outdoors, and I was to attend, and give some interviews between musicians of some note.
The Muse, when left alone with certain of her female friends, was wont to ‘let it all hang out’, and at this time, liked to drink. She was always present, especially when She had a sense of freedom, and random occurrences, whatever the stripe, were ‘amazing’ to her. This was problematic. Be that as it may, the weekend passed, and through an acquaintance, I was asked to participate in a professional recording session in Hollywood. I was to share a common setting with some very famous people, and I wanted the Muse to participate as well. We set up a schedule, and I was imperative that we meet before going in. This was agreed.
It did not, of course, turn out this way.
The Muse is certain of herself in many ways, and this venue was common to her; yet I was the one to demarcate the plan. Yes, I had my reasons. One of those reasons, was to make sure that I was able to introduce her to the owner of the Studio, and the individual who was the creator of this large event.
Upon arriving, She was nowhere to be found.
From this point on, I was unable to recoup the original plan: She made her own introductions, created jealousy and protective maneuvers, which negated her introductions, and even though both of us engaged in the studio production, the evening was a disaster.
This was, as well, the first time I had raised my voice to her. This type of ‘confrontation’ did not sit well with the Muse, after all, she was capable, had always taken the lead in her previous domestic life, and at that time, specifically, had a very large sense of entitlement. In other words, she was definitely used to having her own way. But, then, so was I!
The Muse has faced this type of circumstance several times since our introduction, and she does not do well; in fact, it brings to her, a great sense of devastation, the sense of a loss of control, as she is wont to project that simple, yet very strong and directed, sense of ‘calmness’, a discipline more than a personality trait generally, and seeks to ‘steer’ a conversation, generally.
In my case, however, I am inclined to follow a point, one in which I am knowledgeable about, and will press the issue, if it is clear that my way is best – this, of course, is simple personal dynamics – and She would feel the same about her position. When pressed, however, to balance perspectives, she would usually take the position, passive aggressively, and then not fully understanding my point of view, would withdraw, and appear to be devastated.
This was no exception.
We left each other, not speaking well, and this was to last for several days.
The Muse is good, very good with, what I call, the Silent Knife. She will separate for days, and one never will know what really is on her mind, or how she is actually faring, as in the silence, there is absolutely no awareness of what she is experiencing. This is not good for me, as I require resolution, and I want it now, as any delay is only that, which would hurt us both even more. It should be noted, that I am the one who has, and is, the pro-active element between us, especially during situations like this. In this mode, however, one can only be so assertive, and so it did take quite some time to come to a point that we were able to talk to each other; it was the Muse who traveled to our usual place of contact in nature, and was also the intimate and delicate place, of reunion.
In juxtaposition to this reunion, another event transpired in the same span of time: The Muse and I collaborated for the first time, spontaneously, and created the first part of a new Song – Twilight Dreams.
This has proved to be a much adored piece, by all who have heard it. This proves, as well, that if two people allow, even under extreme positions, to be open to one another, the magick will remain, and nothing can keep them from understanding and loving each other.
As long as reunion is able to take place, the lives of Lover’s is certain.
~ Communion ~
This seems to be a good place to end this Work.
Through trials and tribulations, through learning and errors, the Muse and I seemed to finally be reaching a point, in which we were starting to share a deep and abiding spiritual awareness.
The Muse was still learning how to share her ‘space’, as she still coveted it, and seemed to be unaware of many things, outside of our times together, in which she thought about nothing but her ‘moments’ when away from me. It was still not clear to her, what living in her ‘head’, can do to others. She had forgotten, from a life filled with a feeling of aloneness, of abandonment, those vacancies left by others, who she felt had let her down, not willing or able, to have ‘confidence’ in people who were to come into her life.
It was painstaking, learning from the Muse, as her ability to interact was such a process – she could wait forever – in relaying these deep feelings to me. This was hard, as I have said before, because I lacked, in many of my own traits, the talent for patience in others. Not that I was unaware of their daemons, or their pathologies, I just found it trying, when I offered to expose these to them, and they preferred to still muck through it – Ah! To personality! This, also, is the way of love and light.
Still, we were both learning from each other, and come what may, were continuing to move forward.
The Muse was creating, as well, a much more refined outlook on her own passions, and in the same vein as her first deep, and resonant observation to me of her own passion, she followed up with this particular piece.
So, as we end this part of the journey, let all those who love, and are Lovers, be comforted in the fact that, abiding love can, and does exist, even when faced with terrible odds, or actions and words that, for the moment burn, hurt, or bring such an unknown that would make it seem that all is for nothing, even then, if one is open, will find that what drew you into that person first, is still at work, protecting and nurturing the both of you, in this adventure, called Life.
Let life happen. Let Love, work its magick!
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Of Mountains and The Moon:
The Epic Poetry and tales of love and light, is being crafted to be presented on the ‘silver screen’. This will be a Movie of Love, power,desire, Magick, sensuality, ‘that long journey’, and the power of Hero and Heroine, in a day long forgotten, yet coming back to the call of the spirit of our time…Here, Now, and All Ways.
Author and Screenwriter, Frank L. DeSilva, is heading for the Post-production of his screenplay, “Of Mountains and The Moon,” and we most certainly wish him and his Team the best of luck on this project.
He is using the crowd-funding service, Indiegogo.
His funding page is Here: Of Mountains and The Moon
A new Blog to follow.
If this is all an illusion, this “space and time” dream
then let us dream about eternal, subtle bodies
of sublime light, islands in the endless cosmos
each one, hoping to become something
when this vessel withers
let us dream of a life where
Hope is our Mother, and freedom
is our Father… and we live love
free to explore existence
to express our subtle bodies
in harmony with our true nature
~ Communion ~
All said and done, the Journey continues.
The Muse and I have continued to pass on and through many obstacles. The Muse said something to me once, in response to a question that I presented Her, in the hopes of realizing, in my mind, a certain finality, something more concrete, than She was predisposed to deliver; Her answer was telling: “I am still here.”
This has been the way of it.
I, for my part, am still going through much; as much with Her, as with a whole Life, changing and evolving. She, as well, continues to develop and present a certain stability between us – the fires still rage in deep recesses of our own natures, our own Spirits.
The Magick, which was so tangible, has changed. It takes two to maintain this awareness of the magickal, and it is more than a idea, or simple acknowledgement, it is, and ever will be, the doing, the early morning walks and talks, the togetherness, which encourages and promotes magick. The mundane world is ever-willing and able, at a moments notice, to infiltrate and modify the magick. It is, in large part, a matter of priorities between Lover’s, which proves the intent and intensity of the type of love one, or both, wish to maintain and develop further.
In anticipation of the next Work, let me leave you, the reader, with a little something that will, hopefully, take you into the future, a small glimpse into the possibilities of this devotion between the Muse and I.
Below, is a missive, in the midst of opportunities grasped and missed; it is a glimpse into the continuing journey of Love and Light.
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~ Dreaming of Love and Light ~
These two Works were in relation to the various discussions and impressions that the Muse and I, shared on occasion – the time periods interspersed between these, as well as most of the other Works, could be weeks, so the import of these items, having been carried, in the first case (Dreaming), by the Muse, and not fully understanding the import of dreams and their implications, resonating with the subconscious, was deep fodder for the Muse and slowly, a deeper world began to make itself known to Her.
The allegory in this presentation, is the burgeoning realization, that many dark and fearful places were beginning to be undone, even as the refrain of the first missive inferred. The weight of realization and imagination, coupled with duty and responsibility were, for the Muse, a realization that, perhaps, might shatter Her own world, yet exciting and sensual, the life presented to Her, restricted in so many ways.
Eros, forgotten with time, had snuck into her bedchamber, and his arrow finding its mark, sending Her his joyous intentions, and reminding Her of that balance embracing a part She had put away.
The other (Of Love and Light), was a response which, hopefully, would aid in the Muse finding strength, firstly, by trusting Her own feelings and, secondly, by forging ahead – and this latter was my gift to send Her on her way, a dark path, illuminated, in large part, by Her strength of will – but even a Muse, needs Love and positive intentions. In doing so, the probability was very high, that this would send her on her own way; only I, alone, would remain.
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~ Crystal And Stone ~
There were moments, before and after the missive above, that in the interim, the Muse and I experienced beautiful and passionate abandon, the type that was spontaneous, vigorous, and sensual. The sexual magick between us was, to say the least, what true lovers, experience. The heat, the honesty, the intimacy are of the utmost sincerity in moments like this, and the intentions are more than support, they are the elixir of union.
Many days would pass, and the Muse would remain apart, partly for her own reasons, and partly circumstantial. I was learning patience. This was a process that, in many respects, I was on familiar ground. This time in my life, however, was to test me severely. The wanting to aid the Muse, and being rebuffed for many a logical reason, made the time away, that much more difficult.
The early days of magick, or random occurrence, would almost always bring us together, unannounced, synchronistically bringing us exactly what we both needed: each other. These moments were also tinged with tender moments of individuality, when either Her or I, would visit those special places that we jealously guarded, and in that particular place, still throbbing with the attention we gave to each other, would leave a small token – something that the Muse and I did, without planning, for each other, from the very beginning.
Such was a moment for me. A gift from the Muse, one to encourage, support, and remind me, that She remained, for me.